I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
