I'll bet she douches with gravy.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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