he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
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