I'm sorry my penis didn't work
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
