And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
