I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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