smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
