she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Michael Bay diarrhea
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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