I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
is that a dick in a sweater?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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