id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
