idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
