drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
We just shotgunned beers for America
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
