Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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