my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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