So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
