Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
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I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
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It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize