He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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