do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Randomize
