I am puke
there's paper in my vomit.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
