She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
