i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
