I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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