Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
