R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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