Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(816): View more from Missouri

I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.

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(516): View more from New York

Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.

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(954): View more from Florida

I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.

(727): View more from Florida

More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.

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(607): View more from New York

I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.

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(859): View more from Kentucky

Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.

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(816): View more from Missouri

i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.

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(765): View more from Indiana

soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.

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(386): View more from Florida

I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities

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(704): View more from North Carolina

You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"

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