my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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