Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
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