The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
