Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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