It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
