After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
