I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
