Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
she woke up with a sticky ear
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
