oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
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