so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
