yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
