How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
