okay pat passed out under dana's car
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
