woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
