It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
