got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
