its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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