Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
