Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
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