i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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