Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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