Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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