I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
