somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
This is the prime rib incident all over again
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
