i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
