If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
lets start a swedish sibling band together
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
