ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
