So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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