Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
