I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
