My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
