You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
