Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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