Betty ford says i'm here all night
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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