He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
