new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
