so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
