Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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