have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
