I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
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