aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
