is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
