I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
