toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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