on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
