people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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