if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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