just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
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