am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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