ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
